Logan just left for NYC for 48 hours, leaving me to fend for myself with a two year old tyrant. I've been unreasonably anxious about this weekend for months. Logan's been putting Soren to bed for the last several months and for some reason when I try it takes a really, really long time. What takes Logan about 20 minutes takes me almost two hours. It was a hard realization that despite my efforts, right now Logan is just much better at this than I am. Most aspects of parenting come very naturally to me but bedtime just makes me feel helpless and ill-equipped. I finally understand the look of fear and panic Logan would get when I'd leave a newborn Soren alone with him. The nights Logan has soccer practice and it is my turn to put Soren to bed I am anxious all day and close to tears when he leaves. Now that Logan is working, I've given up on trying to get Soren to nap during the day. The emotional turmoil from an hour and a half of trying (usually unsuccessfully) to get him to take a one hour nap is so not worth it. As ridiculous as it sounds, I'm afraid of putting my son to bed. It is a long, emotional process for both Soren and me that leaves me drained for the rest of the night. So the prospect of dealing with him all weekend (including church) and having to put him to bed two nights in a row is a little daunting. I know there are worse things in the world than spending two days alone with your well-behaved son and that there are lots of people that single parent multiple children full time, but I don't. I'm used to having back up so it is hard to function without it.
This morning I geared up for the weekend by going for a run and buying a sweater I've had my eye on. Logan was kind enough to put Soren down for a nap (earlier than usual, and it only took him 10 minutes) before catching his bus. I have a couple fun things going on today, leftover pizza in the fridge and episodes of Project Runway and Top Chef waiting for me to watch once Soren (eventually) goes to bed.
Wish me luck.