Sunday, May 8, 2011

Thoughts On Motherhood

Mother's Day is a day that we acknowledge the many women in our life that have done great things for us. It is a day that we as women and mothers get praised for all we do. It is a day that many women dread and struggle to get through because of issues with their own mother or because of the great pain of not being a mother for whatever reason. For me, Mother's Day is a day to reflect on the women who have inspired me and helped make me into the mother and woman that I am and especially to give thanks for the ability I have to be a mother and for the support I get in that role. I feel blessed that I have been able to be a mother. I grew up with the goal to be a full time mom and I have been able to achieve that goal. For this I feel lucky and grateful especially since I know there are so many women, including some of my dearest friends, who have not been able to do this who wish they could. I mourn with them and hope that they know of my love and heartache I feel for them. 

When Logan and I made the decision to have a baby four years ago it was an easy decision for me. I knew that motherhood was my ultimate goal and working and putting Logan though school was a tolerable obstacle to that goal. I knew that I wanted to be a mother and knew when it was time.  For me, going from working full time to mothering full time was an obvious and easy choice. (And I acknowledge how lucky I was that it was even a choice to begin with.) I was eager to quit working and move on to mothering since I knew I would enjoy mothering more and be much better at it than working. I also assumed that those feelings of urgency to have a baby would return once Soren was a couple years old. But as Soren's third birthday approaches, I have been surprised to find that I still don't have that sense of urgency or need to have another child. While there are days when I want to throw in the towel and give up, I enjoy this special time where Soren gets so much of my love and attention. Unlike the transition from working to mothering, I don't know that the transition from one child to two is a change that I will feel fulfilled by and these feelings have surprised me. There are many days that I feel like we are barely surviving and the thought of adding another person into the mix, another little body who needs my care and attention 24/7 deeply overwhelms me.

I know I am a really good mom. Almost to a fault, I have totally immersed myself in loving and caring for Soren. Before he was even born he became the center of my world and I am not ready to turn that world upside down. I know that a lot of these feelings come from the instability that has been in our life for the last year and the fact that having another baby right now is absolutely not reasonable. I anticipate that once we are through the dark woods of unemployment I will allow myself to once again ache for a baby and feel the urgent need to bring another person into the world. I pray that we will be able to fulfill that need. I'm sure that once we have another child I will be able to love and care for that child in a different but equally as wonderful way. But for now I will enjoy this time I have with Soren and our little family of three. I will do my best in my role as mother and hope that I will be the mother that Soren needs. I love that Soren's birthday will always fall around Mother's Day since it will forever be linked to this incredible little boy that made me a mother.

Mother's Day is a day that lets us honor the women in our life who inspire and lift us up. I come from a long line of strong and amazing women. My heritage is a blessing to me and I am beyond grateful for the many remarkable women who came before me that have sacrificed and served in so many ways. My own mother is a remarkable woman who has set such a strong example of righteousness, patience and selflessness. She has devoted her life to caring for everyone around her and has happily immersed herself in service. It was a blessing for me to recently spend some time caring for her when she was in need. I am so grateful for her love and example and especially for the wonderful relationship that I have with her. Her presence in my life is a blessing. 

I have been lucky to have so many friends and family members in my life who help me in so many wonderful and unique ways. Women who have taught me how to love and and how to serve. Women who have shown me how to find joy in all I do. Women who have laughed and cried with me. Women who inspire me to be better. Women who pray for me when they know I need all the help I can get.  I couldn't do anything I do without the support I feel daily from so many wonderful women. So, happy Mothers Day to the many women in my life who have helped me in my role as a woman and mother. 

Photo credit to Hannah Strasner, Terese's intern.

1 comment:

ellen said...

Nice post and I love the photos!